I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.