after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.