make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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