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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
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