wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
then he tried to convert me to islam
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
