I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
