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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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