My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."