best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
