I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay