Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
