I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...