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I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
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