He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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