Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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