you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.