Texts From Last Night

USSENTERNCC1701E's Favorites Texts:

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you

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  (541): they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you http://tfl.nu/813g
  Replies (23) Good night (4164) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'

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  (678): You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow' http://tfl.nu/uw7w
  Replies (12) Good night (3018) Bad night (558)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that

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  (423): and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that http://tfl.nu/i7hu
  Replies (10) Good night (880) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"

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  (314): Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do" http://tfl.nu/rrgq
  Replies (11) Good night (2419) Bad night (933)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  im getting coffee to go get coffee.

  (435): View more from Utah

  Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.

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  (801): im getting coffee to go get coffee. (435): Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level. http://tfl.nu/l6zn
  Replies (2) Good night (3347) Bad night (840)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.

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  (304): Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened. http://tfl.nu/gr90
  Replies (8) Good night (2316) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

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  (319): Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/l6fh
  Replies (2) Good night (1314) Bad night (345)
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  (714): View more from California

  What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.

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  (714): What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work. http://tfl.nu/so92
  Replies (7) Good night (1133) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.

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  (720): Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something. http://tfl.nu/z9g9
  Replies (18) Good night (796) Bad night (2093) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

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  (818): The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me. http://tfl.nu/w1nr
  Replies (18) Good night (5763) Bad night (401)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

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  (614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0
  Replies (16) Good night (3679) Bad night (407)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.

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  (443): Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good. (410): The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky. http://tfl.nu/y3f5
  Replies (10) Good night (819) Bad night (1890)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.

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  (484): there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now. http://tfl.nu/o3be
  Replies (12) Good night (656) Bad night (1501)
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  (805): View more from California

  I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life

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  (805): I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life http://tfl.nu/x15r
  Replies (22) Good night (881) Bad night (1527) Order T-Shirt