Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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