we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
