Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Follow @tfln