Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.