If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.