Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
