I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school