I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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