yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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