I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.