her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.