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Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
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