Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
