I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him