If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm going to jail i love you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon