They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
