No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv