I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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