just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
