Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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