I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language