Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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