I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
