barbara walters just said penis...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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