hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.