I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde