where are you?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.