the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.