IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.