He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked