At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
