Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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