So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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