You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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