Texts From Last Night

Texts from June, 2009

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  (831): View more from California

  She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.

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  (831): She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps. http://tfl.nu/t8aw
  Replies (16) Good night (3123) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.

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  (516): Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates. http://tfl.nu/it76
  Replies (7) Good night (436) Bad night (2203) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

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  (802): You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns? (1-802): The one in Montpelier? (802): yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed. http://tfl.nu/hzcv
  Replies (53) Good night (420) Bad night (2163)
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  (707): View more from California

  i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.

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  (707): i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either. http://tfl.nu/icf7
  Replies (55) Good night (4337) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

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  (917): I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever. http://tfl.nu/rwuq
  Replies (38) Good night (7065) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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  (305): My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit. http://tfl.nu/7g7j
  Replies (32) Good night (3882) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked

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  (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked http://tfl.nu/ct4t
  Replies (23) Good night (13823) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?

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  (608): can we please move this conversation out of my vagina? http://tfl.nu/qzib
  Replies (9) Good night (721) Bad night (2469) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

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  (360): The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade. http://tfl.nu/rkoj
  Replies (48) Good night (4133) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  oh and he was serious.

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  (303): once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir. (303): oh and he was serious. http://tfl.nu/t6g9
  Replies (26) Good night (690) Bad night (4144)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

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  (202): if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess... http://tfl.nu/v82v
  Replies (10) Good night (1088) Bad night (2622) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
  Replies (22) Good night (485) Bad night (2663) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

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  (571): final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself http://tfl.nu/96ze
  Replies (70) Good night (6912) Bad night (737)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.

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  (608): Im mastering the way to pass gas silently. http://tfl.nu/n26o
  Replies (24) Good night (2831) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?

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  (662): New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests? http://tfl.nu/8lkf
  Replies (15) Good night (2468) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt