Texts From Last Night

Texts from June, 2009

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  (646): View more from New York

  so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"

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  (646): so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper" http://tfl.nu/y6hx
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  (+44): View more from England

  why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

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  (+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star?? http://tfl.nu/ikzh
  Replies (13) Good night (909) Bad night (3043) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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  (815): My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. http://tfl.nu/imc8
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  (925): View more from California

  You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.

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  (925): You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar. http://tfl.nu/e1r5
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

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  (267): If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to http://tfl.nu/tvy7
  Replies (59) Good night (4777) Bad night (1091)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.

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  (+44): Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms. http://tfl.nu/jipl
  Replies (12) Good night (624) Bad night (4883)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.

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  (808): and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off. http://tfl.nu/1s60
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  (530): View more from California

  Fat chicks shouldn't bartend

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  (530): Fat chicks shouldn't bartend http://tfl.nu/r18g
  Replies (245) Good night (803) Bad night (3521) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Nah, we all need something.

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  (603): Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her? (1-603): Nah, we all need something. http://tfl.nu/s7fq
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  (214): View more from Texas

  did it hurt when the cum got in your eye

  (469): View more from Texas

  not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash

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  (214): did it hurt when the cum got in your eye (469): not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash http://tfl.nu/j0vs
  Replies (44) Good night (751) Bad night (2869)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.

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  (224): Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable. http://tfl.nu/uirm
  Replies (22) Good night (864) Bad night (3315) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure

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  (915): i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure http://tfl.nu/p6xi
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!

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  (913): Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life! http://tfl.nu/nhg0
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

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  (405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed. http://tfl.nu/cgfh
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

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  (617): That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head. http://tfl.nu/g2zg
  Replies (19) Good night (828) Bad night (4419) Order T-Shirt