I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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