You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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