That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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