she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.