Texts From Last Night

Texts from May, 2012

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  (716): View more from New York

  Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.

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  (716): Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum. http://tfl.nu/mwlv
  Replies (3) Good night (1160) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.

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  (773): WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY. http://tfl.nu/ad4l
  Replies (11) Good night (1232) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"

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  (334): Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!" http://tfl.nu/kpjr
  Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups

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  (650): He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups http://tfl.nu/2ekp
  Replies (4) Good night (1355) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1195) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

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  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (2291) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball

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  (917): I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball http://tfl.nu/axxp
  Replies (24) Good night (498) Bad night (2666) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in

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  (864): I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in http://tfl.nu/mz6f
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.

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  (509): first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off. http://tfl.nu/heya
  Replies (7) Good night (402) Bad night (1215)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You would be my first round pick for a drinking team

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  (541): You would be my first round pick for a drinking team http://tfl.nu/sq48
  Replies (6) Good night (1411) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.

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  (207): I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me. http://tfl.nu/zr5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1311) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.

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  (646): How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope. http://tfl.nu/0uer
  Replies (2) Good night (1203) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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  (416): Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear http://tfl.nu/hv34
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  (714): View more from California

  It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.

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  (714): It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs. http://tfl.nu/jalq
  Replies (11) Good night (356) Bad night (1790) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.

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  (774): I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands. http://tfl.nu/r3el
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt