That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.