Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.