The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that's an acceptable place to lick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
