The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.