I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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